Might be too late to add a bit about fighting other servers as Sanctum of Rall, but it'd be great to have it in there since it was one of Oldroar's favorite things to do.
Could be inserted right after:
"Join others and face off against legendary creatures."
"In Sanctum of Rall's name, fight/battle other servers in the Eternal Battlegrounds." (Then show some WvW fights, siege golems, trebs firing etc.; Allie could phrase this quoted sentence more to her liking.)
Then of course segway to what you already have:
"The Sanctum of Rall"
"In Loving Memory of Roger "Oldroar" Rall."