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Drayton Clovis - A Thief's Lamentations

Saighdiuir de na Aracos
Schwebs
Saighdiuir de na Aracos
Posted On: 10/25/2012 at 10:32 AM
  • XBOX

 Oct 24 - "I hope this is the right place. I see the title of the forum is "Roleplay", and I am playing a role all right. The role of puppet to a moron"

“He is the single worst player in the game, all servers combined. He has no concept of attack rotation. It rarely occurs to him to change his weapons mid-fight. Using dots in the middle of a fight rather than the beginning, buffing when he is nearly dead, dodging when he should be finishing. Don’t even get me started on Combo finishers – like speaking Farsi to a penguin for him. Yup, he is the least competent player ever and he controls my every move.”

                “The early days weren’t that bad. There is a learning curve, I understand. But you would think after the number of hours he put in on COH/V, WAR, AION, and RIFT that he would catch on. The early experiments with all the different weapons and attacks are painful, but completely necessary. Not everything works for everybody. Each player has his own playstyle, and has to find what fits him best. Unfortunately, my player is probably best suited for crafting. Maybe arts and crafting. With blunt scissors and the kind of paste you can eat without getting poisoned. I can only assume that those other games are littered with abandoned characters; unoptimized, under equipped, and over dressed.”

                “Sorry to intrude like this, but I had to vent and the other characters here really aren’t interested. I would call them selfish, but I understand. All they ever say is “L2P” or “stay in PVE”, or they just sneer and say “noob”. I’ll just sit here quietly until he boots up, hops on and plays gank bait while picking strawberries. Sigh. “



» Edited on: 2012-10-26 09:06:38

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Devotion Rank 20Fellowship Rank 10Scholar Rank 1

Response:

Lorgaire de na Capall
Yankee
Lorgaire de na Capall
  • ESO: @Yankee
Replied On: 10/25/2012 at 01:17 PM PDT

At first I thought you were describing me on my Mesmer!

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Devotion Rank 15Fellowship Rank 7Scholar Rank 2
Ridire de na Aracos Oráiste
Tuug
Ridire de na Aracos Oráiste
Replied On: 10/25/2012 at 05:08 PM PDT
  • Twitch

It's like looking in a mirror :O

» Edited on: 2012-10-25 17:08:40

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Devotion Rank 16Valor Rank 9Fellowship Rank 10Scholar Rank 2Artisan Rank 3
Curadh de na Sailetheach
Arowefell
Curadh de na Sailetheach
  • GW2: Quigley.9236
Replied On: 10/26/2012 at 07:02 AM PDT

My characters routinely suggest that I might be better suited to a pass time that involves crayons and a crash helmet. My engineer is the most patient, but she's a seasoned level 80, and has the benefit of experience. My little thief tries, but I can always hear the frustration in her voice as she tells me for the billionth time that she's out of initiative, or that maybe I should dodge once in awhile since I've got her traited for it. My mesmer, well, she's just hurtful.

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Devotion Rank 15Valor Rank 3Fellowship Rank 10Explorer Rank 3Scholar Rank 3
Bandraoi de na Iolair Dearg
Briseadh
Bandraoi de na Iolair Dearg
  • GW2: Briseadh.7386
Replied On: 10/26/2012 at 08:09 AM PDT
  • Steam
  • Twitch
  • Twitch
  • Extra-Life

Briseadh - "You made me leap off a cliff....again!" ::scream of frustration heard::

Don't mess with Mama Bear, I might hug you too tight. =D
Awards & Achievements
Devotion Rank 19Valor Rank 13Fellowship Rank 20Explorer Rank 9Scholar Rank 12Artisan Rank 9Social Rank 7Mentorship Rank 3
Saighdiuir de na Aracos
Schwebs
Saighdiuir de na Aracos
Replied On: 10/26/2012 at 09:07 AM PDT
  • XBOX

Oct 25 - “I simply don’t know how I can show my face in WvW any longer. Here I am, the class that so many people argue is unbalanced, overpowered….a win button for any ham fisted, Red Bull fueled, 7th grade repeating kiddie. I should be prowling the edges of battle downing the recently respawned and reaping badges. I should be cruising roadways and slashing dolyaks in to delicate little shish-kabobs. I should be popping out of stealth behind mesmers and delighting as my blade steals the last breath from their throat. No. Not with my guy.” “His latest foray is a great example. First, he’s running with the zerg. The MMO equivalent of a biker gang on a crystal meth binge. Well, at least he’s got some safety in numbers I assume. Wrong. Zero understanding of defensive siege usage. It’s like I’m a funnel for incoming fire, concentrating every boulder on my location. Or maybe he has some type of magnetism that affect game mechanics such that all arrow cart fire, regardless of who shoots it, what Borderlands they are in, or what server they are on, all get redirected at me. Either I am crushed under a pile of digital rubble, or I end up looking like a GW2 appearance by Pinhead. It gets better after that, though. Of course his ignorance of or to the existence of the red circles inevitably results in my death (again, sigh. If I got xp for each trip back to the spawn point I’d be level 120…), so I respawn. Somehow he resists the urge to whip up some clam cakes at the crafting station and we head out. The garrison wall is down! Awesome! We run in and find a guardian just standing there. Attack! I am thrilled! But do we “steal” then retreat? No. Do we “blind” then attack 1? No. Genius pops out his short bow and starts kiting like some kind of short bus ranger between meds! The guardian does not even move. Either they were AFK or didn’t notice, either way our attacks were equivalent to sending mosquitos after the Death Star. After 5-7 seconds of the short bow pirouette, genius switches weapons and leaps in with “heartseeker”. Nice idea, if we had done any damage at all previously, but alas we hadn’t. So the big finisher, “heartseeker”, amounts to an obnoxious rug burn on the still oblivious guardian. So, then the rocket surgeon spams “heartseeker” until he is out of initiative. At which point the guardians guildies show up and unceremoniously swat me down. Respawn. Again.” “I wonder if Club Penguin is hiring….”

Awards & Achievements
Devotion Rank 20Fellowship Rank 10Scholar Rank 1
Saighdiuir de na Aracos
Schwebs
Saighdiuir de na Aracos
Replied On: 11/05/2012 at 10:14 AM PST
  • XBOX

Oct 29 Calling in a Favor - “If I got silver for each moment of utter humiliation I suffer at his hands, I could give half of the guild commander books and legendary weapons.” “Over the weekend, I guess he decided to do a little leveling. Ok, maybe this can work, I think. He can practice his rotations, maybe get some better gear, at the very least I won’t be getting killed and danced on by veteran guard NPCs in WvW. Then he heads to Kessex. I’m level 40. We pop in and I get scaled to 20. It’s like I’m 16 all over again and being forced to eat at the kids table on Thanksgiving. I compose myself, I’m a big thief, I can do this.” “He starts cleaning up the waypoints, POIs, hearts and vistas we haven’t got yet. Should be a cake walk. Aside from his utter inability give water to sickened sylvari (really, you just hit the 1 when you get near, don’t drop the bucket, don’t wave….ugh), things are going ok. Two POIs to go, the middle of the lake and the one deep in the cave. How tough could this be?” “The third time trying to go in the cave, he jumps in with two others, but instead of heading towards the POI he follows them and ends up escorting the little girl back to the castle, and needs to be rezzed twice along the way. I surprised they did it the second time. Then instead of heading back in, he e-mails someone and waits by the nearest spawn point. Come to find out he called in his wife, with a lvl50 elementalist named Gilnari, to help him get a POI! I can only imagine her exasperated sigh at the ding of the e-mail. She must have some nagging sense of duty, or maybe he’s got pictures of her dad doing something tawdry, either way she agreed to help.” “We head back into the cave, with her showing him the correct path to the right which he had never before noticed, leading to the POI. A random ranger joins in at this point. I feel the potential for embarrassment rising. We die once, but get rezzed by his wife (I wonder if his mom made his school lunches all the way through college, each with a little note saying how proud she was of him…). We get to the end tunnel and find the POI, and a veteran. Should be no prob. She throws down some fire and he jumps through it, trigging a combo! I never thought this day would come. Then, instead of taking advantage of this offensive boon, he stands there admiring the pretty flamey bubble, and reading the description on the Wiki. Gilnari runs around, chased by the veteran while the ranger plucks away with his bow. All the while, this guy is in some kind of a MMO-acid trip watching the flamey bubble. He dies, she dies, ranger bails on the pathetic scene. We respawn and she says something about “doing a little crafting” and she ports out. We got the POI, and I’m sure he feels real good about it, but me, I know what happened.” “I wonder how I could get him to go back to Skyrim….”

Awards & Achievements
Devotion Rank 20Fellowship Rank 10Scholar Rank 1
Saighdiuir de na Aracos
Schwebs
Saighdiuir de na Aracos
Replied On: 11/09/2012 at 09:52 AM PST
  • XBOX

Nov 1 – A Leap of No Faith “We went back to WvW. It was like I was going up the river to find Kurtz, but I was the cook on the boat instead of Martin Sheen.” “Things were slow on the server, he was just grabbing a couple of POIs, Vistas, and more of that damned material gathering (doesn’t he realize there are whole, vast areas devoted to this? Ones where experienced, real, aggressive players from other servers don’t lurk?). Anyway, he finds his way to the garrison vista, the one overlooking the long drop to the lake (foreshadowing…). He get the vista, and I assume he gives himself an “atta-boy!” as he munches cheez-its and swills some pathetic fruit punch, then looks over and sees that there are 2 enemies on the wall destroying some siege equipment. Does he call for help in chat? No. Does he call for help on Raidcall? No. Does he even release an arthritic pigdeon to carry my last will and testament back to my loved ones? No. He jumps down and enters the fray, incurring about 1/3 falling damage in the process.” “ He runs up the ramp to the wall and engages the enemy. The other enemy runs past him towards the rest of the garrison. That guy knew “no problem” when he saw it. Then my player did something unexpected – he used a range attack that disables! Headshot! I didn’t know he had it in him. Then he shadowsteps in for a flank attack, then drops blindness on the enemy! It is bliss! What has happened? Who is really controlling me? It can’t be the normal guy, or I’d be respawning by now. I stop questioning and enjoy the ride. We #1 as we circle the blinded enemy, building up init and dps. The enemy breaks free them dodges backwards, with his back to the edge to the long drop to the lake. It is now that I realize my normal user is here, when he hits the #2, Heartseeker, and jumps completely over the enemy, over the ledge, and takes the long, long fall into the lake. As I fall, I can see the enemy player waving from the wall with pity.” “God, please, let him roll an alt…..”

Awards & Achievements
Devotion Rank 20Fellowship Rank 10Scholar Rank 1
Saighdiuir de na Aracos
Schwebs
Saighdiuir de na Aracos
Replied On: 11/28/2012 at 11:52 AM PST
  • XBOX

Nov 15 – Snooping around - “So, today he logs on, but I don’t go anywhere. I just sit there at the load screen. What is going on? Did he boot up, go get some snacks and get distracted by Project Runway or the new catnip toy? Well, it seems one of my wishes has been answered. He started an alt. I’m going to have to have a little digital heart to heart with the alt when he gets back, if I get the time before the shut down.’ “Anyway, this afforded me the rare opportunity to do a little snooping around in the other game files. His damn hard drive is like the bargin bin at Gamestop. Rift, WAR, Aion… and what the hell is Neverwinter Nights? Then I look through and find all these links to the guides for games like Skyrim, Borderlands, Morrowind, Fable…. He needed a guide for Fable? How hard is kicking chickens and burping for xp? jeez, a porn addiction would probably do him a world of good.” “I found my way into the deeper gaming files, until low and behold I was face to face with another version of me – Draytonn Clovis, only this one was in Rift. A rogue marksman. I looked at my dagger and pistol, then at his weapons. Erie. A little creepy too. Has this guy ever had an original thought?( If I find a dual wielding dark elf ranger I swear I’ll wipe this hard drive).” “I did a little work with the executable files and boom, I was in Rift, face to face with the other me. He was a nice enough guy. We shared some stories. Seems our player spent a lot more time crafting in Rift than in PvP. Guess he kinda gave up on the PvP early due to some rendering issues. (I should be so lucky! The only saving grace of all my deaths is that half the time nobody can see me lying there while he tries to figure out where to respawn). When our user stopped playing, the Rift Draytonn found work as an NPC. It’s not much, but it’s steady and easy to do he said. Walk from A to B to C then back to A. If someone comes by, use your line. Punch out and spend your nights watching Spanish Subtitled Anime using the player’s internet hookup. He said they were like watching Novellas, but with magic, lasers, and monsters. We talked some more, but he had to go to work. He invited me over for a movie night with him and couple friends he made from Civ V and Fate. I told him to call me, maybe.” “It was interesting to see him, but it was also kind of disturbing and sad. While I really get frustrated with my player, I’m not so sure what I would do with myself once I wasn’t in the game anymore. NPC life does not sound like fun. What happens when the next big game comes out? What if he decides to get a life? I think he works…what if he decided that a career was a good idea? I would be totally done, cut out, logged off. I have a lot to think about…” “Maybe one of his kids would be interested in playing on this account….”

Awards & Achievements
Devotion Rank 20Fellowship Rank 10Scholar Rank 1